Feelings

I need to sort out my feelings, and with these 15 minutes given to me a strange stroke of fortune, I will proceed to do so here. 

Ok. *deep breath* Here we go.

I like this guy. 

That’s always where the problem starts. A guy. Its always a guy, or in my case, THE guy. I wouldn’t go as far to say that I am in love with this guy, but I like him a lot. Even to think about him on a consistent basis and worry about what he’s doing, how he’s doing and things like. Seeing him makes me happy. Touching him makes me happy. Just being in the same room with him makes me content. 

The thing is that I’m not sure where to go with this. What should I do? 

I;m still not sure if the feelings I have are the ones that are fit for a relationship of any kind. For all I know, I could be making these things up. What if it’s just a minor crush and I’m just overreacting? What is a crush anyhow? It’s something like an infatuation, isn’t it? But I don’t think this is the case; I care too much for it be a crush. Or maybe it is a crush and all this thought is for nothing. 

We’re good friends, or so I like to think. I like to believe that he’s told me many things that other people never bothered to ask or care about. I know his habits, well some of them at least, and can generally predict his reactions to things. 

The thing is that he’s nice to EVERYONE. Yeah, you and every other person on the face of this planet. No matter what happens, he’s unfailing nice, kind and caring. He’s the kind of person that is extremely difficult to hate, even for short periods of time. Just one guilty look from him, and you’ve forgiven him already. 

Maybe it’s his charisma and presence that attracted me to him in the first place. 

I don’t understand what is going on. I don’t know if the way he treats me is like the way he treats his other friends. Because really, what kind of friend would tuck you in for nap, buy spontaneous gifts for, trade songs with, give a massage to, trust to be in the room while you’re gone or taking shower, never asking her to leave and always asking her to stay, play with her hair, touch back to back, drag your hand over her leg like a caress, put your hand over her hand, play silly games with…it seems like he thinks of me more than a friend but less that someone you would have a relationship with. 

Oh, and did I mentioned he likes this girl who is not named Jessica and does not go to UCLA, and compared dating to hanging out using ME as an example. 

STOP CONFUSING ME DAMNIT. I HATE THAT. BE CLEAR IN YOUR INTENTIONS. 

I also find that I can talk to him about anything. And I do, spouting out random things all the time. 

Don’t be just nice. Be real. 

Please.

<3

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Kiss the Rain

I remember that one day
When I saw you standing out there
All by yourself with the rain pouring down
I did not know what to do
But to stand beside you
As the rain fell down on us

I did not know who you were waiting for
But when I saw that look on your face
I knew it was for him
I wondered why
He would leave you so alone
But I chose not to say anything

So there we stood, just the two of us
Just waiting there, as the night passed by
I did not know what to do
But to hold you close
As the rain fell down on us

And then you turned to me
And spoke so softly that
I could not hear your words
“You should just go home
I will wait alone
He will come back soon

He will not break his promise to me,
I put all my trust in him, I really do believe
So you can go
I will be alright
thanks for staying with me tonight “

What should I do right now?
Can I still wait here with you?
I did not want to go and leave you alone
But I had no choice
You chose him, I lost my chance long ago

You said

“I will wait for him
No matter what happens
even in the pouring rain and heavy wind
since in my heart I believe that
all these raindrops are
just kisses from afar…

Just kisses from afar…

How is it possible for someone to be so emotionally dense? 

For one who is so kind on the outer surface, you are rather empty within. 

I’m so over you. 

I feel sorry for that girl that you said you liked. She will never to happy with you. 

Take note, friend. 

Please pay attention to the little details in life.

Bfs

Do I want one? 

More importantly, am I ready for one? 

My requirements are simple: have time for me and make me feel loved. 

I want someone to love me openly and I to them

Written on the Body

Why is the measure of love loss?

Why is the most unoriginal thing we can to another is still the thing we long to hear?

Not tagged, but I want to do it

People I tagged should do it whenever they have the time.

[PART I]
about you…
+ Name: Connie Nham
+ Gender: Female
+ Age: 19
+ Location: Los Angeles

+ Birthday: Sept 7 1989
+ School: USC
+ Ethnicity: Chinese
+ Religion: Atheist, I guess…with spotches of Buddhism and a helping of random praying to whatever god is out there when things are really bad

+ Height: 5′2
+ Shoe size: 7.5
+ Hair color: Black
+ Eye color: Brown
+ Style: casual, cute and classy depending on occasion…
+ Fears: Being hated, loneliness

[PART II]
have you ever…
+ Peed your pants? Yes

+ Fallen off the bed? Yes

+ Fallen for a relative? Thought they were cute, but not further than that

+ Had plastic surgery? No

+ Broke someone’s heart?  Yes

+ Had your heart broken?  Yes

+ Had a dream come true? My dreams are rather simple, yes.

+ Done something you regret? Many times

+ Cheated on a test?  Yes

+ Broken a body part? No
[PART III]
currently…

+ Wearing?  cosmos uci shirt + pj botttoms

+ Listening to? Over You- Daughtry

+ Eating? Nothing, but I’m craving something salty and crunchy

+ Feeling? Blank. 3rd person

+ Reading? Chinese composition in preparation for midterm tomorrow

+ Located? Webb Tower 307

+ Chatting with? No one, recently roommate

+ Watching? True, Freaky and Real on Animal Planet

+ Craving? Pretz Salad sticks

+ Should REALLY be doing? Studying for Chinese and OChem midterms for tomorrow

[PART IIII]
do you…
+ Brush your teeth? Yes

+ Like anybody? Yes

+ Have any piercings? No

+ Drive? Not really

+ Smoke? No

+ Drink? No

+ Got a cellphone? Yes

+ Got a pager? Uh, no.

[PART V]
friends…
+ Who is your best? Antonia Wong, Stephanie Kwan, Kimberly Guan, Phillip Sanshuck, Noel Kim, Tiffany Lee, Kit Yeung, Joseph Li

+ Who is the loudest? Stephanie

+ Who is the shyest? Phillip

+ Who is the most talkative? Tiffany

+ Who is the ‘hottest’? Um, Tiffany X]

+ Who is the cutest? Joseph <3

+ Who laughs the most?  Tiffany?

+ Who have you known the longest? Stephanie

+ Who have you known the shortest? Joseph

+ Who do you miss the most? Kimberly!

+ Who do you turn to for personal problems? No one. Myself until I can’t handle it- then either Phillip, Kit or Stephanie.

+ Do you only hang out with a certain type?  No, as long as you are not a total retard

+ Do you belong to a crew? No…

+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex? Yes

+ Do you consider yourself POPULAR? No

+ Do you trust your friends? To a certain extent

+ Are you a good friend? I try to

+ Can you keep a secret? Yes, but it depends what kind of secret it is

[PART VI]
the last person you…
+ Hugged? Joseph

+ IMed? Too long ago to remember. Ilyas?

+ Talked to on the phone? Mom/ Kit

+ Yelled at? Mom

+ Checked out? huh?

+ Fell in love with?  Joseph

+ Tripped? Um, Joseph? xD

[PART VII]
+ What do you want to be when you grow up? No idea. Someone was has done well.

+ What was the worst day of your life? The suicidial days

+ What is your most embarrassing story? Too many

+ What has been the best day of your life? Too many

+ What comes first in your life? Being success in all aspects of life

+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? Yes; crush.

+ If you had an extra set of eyes, where would you put them? Hide them

+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? A good memory

+ Did you lose someone you really loved? No

+ How many times have you fallen deeply in love? Twice?

+ Love your family? Yes

+ Love your friends? Yes

+ Have you fought? No

+ What are you addicted to? People

+ Want to move? No

[PART VIII]
favorite…
+ Movie: ?

+ Song: too many

+ Band: alice nine/NEWS

+ Singer: Uh.

+ Store: Uh.

+ Sport: swimming

+ Vacation Spot: Japan

+ Ice Cream Flavor: Pineapple coconut

+ Fruit: Persimminon

+ Food: Chinese

+ Class: …

+ Holiday: Christmas

+ Day of the Week: Saturday

+ Color: sky blue w/ lime green

+ Magazine: None

+ Name for a Girl: Clarissa

+ Name for a Boy: Damien

+ Favorite spot for a date: Anywhere with him

+ Favorite spot for an anniversary: Romantic

+ Favorite resturant: Shanghai you fat

+ McDonalds: Angus Third Pounder, the regular one

+ Burger King: Whopper with cheese

+ In and Out: cheeseburger + animal fries

I need to stop thinking about him…but i can’t because of how he acts. i can’t tell if he’s flirting or being nice. 

I’m addicted.

:(

:( 

I told myself to stop, since he already has someone he likes. 

But, gah, he’s so damn nice that it just comes naturally to me to act this way.

BE MEAN FOR ONCE SO I CAN STOP MYSELF FROM FLIRTING WITH YOU EXCESSIVELY!!! >O 

I think by now my entire lab section knows that I crush heavily on him 

DAAAMMMMMMNNNNN YOU AND NICENESS >O

MOE KARE! >3<

AH! Finally, a manga where the third guy gets the girl!! ^o^ ^o^