Reflection

I’ve been trying to avoid today, but it’s quite difficult when I share a classes with you every single day. 

It’s also hard since my friends decided to sit in the row behind you this afternoon in Chemistry. 

After class, you moved to the end of the row, leaving the classroom. 

At this point, my friend pointed behind me, and got a one second glance at you. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.” 

I turned back immediately, careful not to meet your eyes for too long. 

Upon leaving, I followed as you and a girl in blue walked together amiably. 

It was for her, wasn’t it, that path that you did not usually take? 

Chatter. Chatter. 

I pretended not to hear. 

Strange to think that the picture of the two of you only contained one genuine smile.

[ Dream ]

I had a dream about you last night. 

We worked in the same company, and were having a meeting in the conference room. 

I was late, and walked into the room harried and rushed, and walked quickly to my seat. 

It was at edge of the long rectangular table, with you at my left side. 

We were discussing the fate of the company, and when it was my turn to speak, I gave a long and detailed speech about how different opinions would affect the company. 

However, you had a question about my speech and turned to ask me about it, your dark inquisitive eyes looking into mine.

I was struck dumb.  

You smiled, and moved your head closer to mine, rephrasing your question in a smooth and kind voice…

And I kissed you. 

Without a thought, without hesitation…my lips touched yours in a simple gesture…

It was only a second before I pulled back and put my head on the table, my face flushing red as I turned away from you to face the wall. 

A million thoughts ran through my head, but all you did was face our coworkers and say, “Ah, she kissed me” with a grin on your face. 

The last thing I remember is the soft feel of your lips on mine as I closed my eyes…

You Guys Look so Cute Together

I am just a human girl who is struggling madly to grab hold of that elusive thing called hope. 

I can’t focus, can’t concentrate. 

Stop dangling empty promises in front of me, when I have given up on you. 

Do not expect anything from me anymore.

No more seeking. 

No more calls.

No more emails.

No more caresses, touches or hugs.

No more sharing of feelings, only superficial topics will suffice. 

All you will get is a fake me who is but an empty shell.  

Go, be happy and complete.

What is Love?

I was browsing my way on facebook when I came across a note written by a friend. It seems that he has been going through a tough time with his girlfriend lately- so much that he is pondering what the idea, or the feeling, or the emotion…well, whatever you want to call it anyways of “love” is. 

This led to my thinking- what exactly is “love?” 

I put this in quotations because everyone has a different opinion and view of what love is, even though the general consensus is that it is something precious that has to be treasured. 

But still, what is it exactly? 

Whenever someone asks me the question “Have you ever been in love?” I always give the same answer: tell me what love is and I’ll answer you. 

After all, everyone has a different idea of what love is. What I think is love is not necessarily someone else’s definition of love. This is where unrequited love and crushes come from right? When you feel like you are showing someone affection and love, but they don’t notice at all. 

To put it simply, in order to love another person and be in love, you have to have a similar definition of love or are willing to learn and understand your partner’s idea of love. Otherwise, you’ll be doing things that they don’t notice as an expression of love, which will only make you sad and feel unrecognized. D: 

I’ve asked people what their idea of love is, and of course, have gotten a variety of answers: 

“…its a series of choices and actions that result in the emotion. You first choose to “love” someone, care for them, etc then you perform a number of actions that show affection. As a result of that, you feel love.” – DC

“..it’s when you feel like the world only contains you and her when you are together.” – KY

“…when you feel like you can act like yourself around him and not care. At all. ” -TL

“…absolute trust.” – SK

So the real question is- what do I think love is? 

Hm, I don’t know, but for now it will be this: 

Love is when you feel utterly comfortable with a person, listen to everything they say and pay attention to it, and basing your actions off of those. It is when you care for them so much that you are willing to make the most ridiculous sacrifices for them- whether this is monetary, time-wise, or other things. It is when you think about them often, and only want the best for them. It is putting them first before yourself in everything, even when it means that you get the short end of the sick. It means putting their happiness before yours, even when it means you get booted out of the picture. It also means putting your faith and trust in them, because without that…it wouldn’t work. 

In short, to me love is sacrifice, understanding and trust.

Love is always there in the end when there is nothing left.

Love

Kenney should not have gone to Cornell. Should have stayed home in California and defended and fought for the one thing that mattered – our freedom to love. 

0.1 Love is Patient

// — Kiss the Rain — //

The rain only started a couple of minutes ago. 

I forgot my umbrella at my house, but I can’t go back to get it. 

It’s better to stand here waiting, after all, what if you show up in the time that I’m gone? 

I don’t want that to happen. I want to be the first to see you when you get back…

I miss you- your warmth, your touch, your voice and all that makes you you. 

These raindrops aren’t cold at all- nothing compares to how I feel when you’re not here. 

I don’t need a coat. 

I’m perfectly fine. 

Really. 

I’ll just stand here waiting for you as the night passes by and the stars twinkle gently in the sky…

Remember when we saw that shooting star? 

I told you my wish…but you never told me yours. 

I only remember a sweet smile and soft kiss on my lips as we wrapped ourselves in layers of love. 

Come back soon, dear. 

I’ll be here waiting for you, with my hand touching my lips remembering the times that we’ve shared. 

My eyes will be closed, as I relieve the memories. 

Time passes by rather quickly. 

The rain continues drizzling, but I don’t really mind. 

After all, these raindrops are just light kisses that you are sending from afar…

I will be patient. 

I believe in you- your dreams, your wishes…your very being. 

I’ll wait for you. 

No matter what. 

I’ll be here, waiting…because…

it’s not painful to wait. 

At all.

Rewinding after a conversation with you.

I don’t know what to think.

I need an objective point of view- I think that I was both upbeat and cold at the same time (especially the email that I sent)

Talk about bipolar…

But you were such too.

I was so sure that you signed off not to go bed, but to get rid of me and continue studying since I was bothering you…or am I just reading too much into things?

Reply?

You said that you would reply as soon as it was finalized, but truly, I don’t expect it. 

After all, petty things such as people, feelings and emotions are not the top priority in your mind. 

It’s just work, and focus. 

That is all.

[ Dream ]

I had a dream about you the other day…and it was beautiful. 

I was in your room doing something random, and complaining that we didn’t have enough time to do something. Time was running out, and we had to complete this as soon as possible…

But you did was look at me with a smile on your face and pulled me close, saying that we had together forever…

At which I promptly decided to kiss you and stopped short of it, and you teased me about it. 

And that was how we got together <3 

you were so sweet <3

Hello There, again

I need to release these feelings inside of me- it’s getting so annoying that I can’t stand it anymore. <_< 

I don’t know what to say to him when we next meet…I guess acting normalwill just have to do. 

okay. 

NO HUGS. 

But I like hugs. I really do~